No, sir.

A Wish List for Trans-Inclusive Sex Ed

transcending-anatomy:

I wish for no one to be labeled as a “(wo)man”, or even as “(fe)male-bodied”, because of their anatomy. I wish for the chance to describe my own body and to name my own parts.

I wish for discussion about how to come to terms with my body, how to ease the pain of dysphoria (mine or someone else’s), how to be connected with the parts that change and how to accept the parts that do not.

I wish to be shown the tools that I may need to have good, safe sex: not just condoms but dental dams, gloves, finger cots, and plastic wrap. I wish to be shown strap-ons, packers, harnesses, gaffs, binders, and prosthetics, and told how to use them and keep them clean.

I wish for information about contraception and pregnancy options that acknowledges that not everyone who can get pregnant is a woman, and not everyone who can impregnate is a man.

I wish to learn how to take charge of my sexual and reproductive health, and I wish for realistic advice about finding safe medical providers. I wish to be told what procedures I need, what to expect from them, and how to make them easier; what my rights are as a patient, and what to do when those rights are violated.

I wish for people I might become sexually or romantically involved with to be described with gender-neutral language: “partners”, not “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” (and certainly not “your husband” or “your wife”).

I wish for everyone to be given a rich language to describe their identity, their body, and their orientation — and to know that these things may change. I wish for everyone to understand that a trans man is a man, a trans woman is a woman, and nonbinary people exist, and to consider that when they define their orientation.

I wish for everyone to be taught that gender identities are not fetishes, and that other people’s bodies are not objects to exploit.

I wish for open, frank discussion of how to disclose gender history to a partner (or how to respond when someone discloses to you), how to ask respectful questions, how to grow accustomed to a new set of pronouns, how to support a changing body and an evolving identity.

I wish for everyone to be taught the inquisitive, patient care to learn to please someone who’s body is different from what what they know.

I wish for everyone to know that sex is not about penetration, genitals, nudity, or orgasm; it’s about pleasure, it has no requirements, and the only boundaries are the limits of what feels good to everyone involved. I wish for everyone to be given the words, the confidence, the sense of safety to ask for what they want and say no to what they don’t.

I wish for everyone to be told until they really believe it that there is nothing wrong with their body, their identity, or their desires; that someday someone will embrace them for who they are; and that they don’t have to settle for anything less.